Even coaches get in a funk
For three days this week, I found myself in a funk. What does that look like for me? I didn’t really want to do anything related to my business. I had some writing projects to work on, which normally I would be excited about, but whenever I sat down to work on one of them, I just started to feel a little “blech”.
So what did I do? I ended up binge-watching a few episodes of “Westworld” on HBO. In the middle of the afternoon.
And then I felt guilty about being non-productive.
So I started to explore within (that’s what coaches do). But rather than coming from my normal place of curiosity, I found I slipped into a very revealing place of judgement.
What’s the point? No one’s been responding to what I’m putting out there. Maybe what I’m offering is not of value. Maybe what I have to say isn’t of any significance. Maybe I’m not of value.
And there it is. While a part of me feels my message is important and drives me to share it, there’s another part of me that is looking for external validation and, not seeing enough of it, is wanting me to hide for fear of being vulnerable and being rejected, because that would mean I’m not good enough after all.
Thankfully, I work with a coach … actually two coaches … who are trained in the same transformational coaching techniques that I use with my client. And luckily, I happened to have appointments scheduled with both of them right during this time. So over the course of those two sessions, we dug in.
You see, we all have many different parts inside us, and they all serve a purpose. My “hide” part wants to keep me safe. My “be seen” part wants me to share my gifts. And both of those parts’ goals are important. But the means by which they accomplish those goals, the how, is not always ultimately in our best interest for where we are today and where we want to go. The means may have been a great solution for some time in the past but are no longer serving us in the present.
My “Be Seen” part believes I have an important message to share with the world and encourages and motivates me to do so – through emails like this one, writing, speaking, and more. It understands that people will receive my message in different ways, and that that’s on them, not me.
My “Hide” part wants to keep me safe from judgement, rejection, and failure. The best way to do so is to prevent me from putting myself out there. It uses tactics like procrastination and distraction and avoidance. It also encourages me to focus on the things that haven’t gone so well, in a “see, I told you it was a bad idea” sense of justification, and encourages me to forget or dismiss the good things.
Most of the time, my “Be Seen” part dominates, while my “Hide” part has been, well, hidden. I think it got tired of hanging out in the background, so it came forward.
The way we work with parts in Transformational Coaching is we first acknowledge and express gratitude for the goal they are trying to achieve, then we work to transform the method they are using, if that method is no longer serving us.
In my case, in place of avoidance / procrastination / distraction, what if I were to make sure the part’s concerns were carefully considered? What if I were better able to focus on the things that are going well, so the part would see that the actions I have been taking are, in fact, safe? What if I allowed my “Hide” part to be seen?
I might have to change that part’s name.
So here are my action steps. Moving forward, I’m going to work on creating space to carefully acknowledge and witness my parts – their concerns, and their contribution. I’m going to slow down and allow time to have an inner dialogue, so I can give them their voice and allow them to be heard. How will I start? By checking in regularly to see if something wants to be expressed.
After all, how can I expect others to “see” me if I’m not doing that for all of myself?
Why am I sharing this? Yes, I could have sent you an email about morning routines, the benefits of selenium, or something else that would be informative and helpful (don’t worry, those topics are coming). But I feel it’s important that you understand that yes, even coaches like me are still works in progress. We’re all still trying to figure this thing out. And we all need a little help from time to time.
Plus, my parts want to be seen and witnessed. Today is their day.
How about you? Are there parts of you that aren’t quite operating in harmony that you might want to explore and adjust? If so, I can help. Let’s schedule a call.
Let the conversation among our parts begin!